Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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