I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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