So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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