You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
