so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
