my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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