true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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