I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
