Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
