before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
