how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
