eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
