he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
