Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
