I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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