We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
