My hand turned me down
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
