Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you never un-have a 4some
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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