So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
