It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
