i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The uberlube is also flammable
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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