FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
