Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
