ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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