sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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