Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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