Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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