like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
