i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
try to milk me bitch
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
