i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
