Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
