don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
