My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
