1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
