Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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