just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The Olympian is in my bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
