Only a mothe r could love this liver
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
