I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bring me that man meat
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
