Apparently you make a good broom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
