I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
