my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
