"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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