I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
