Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
