he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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