you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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