i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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