I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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