This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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