I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Randomize
