girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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