It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
