Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
