i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
