guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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