I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
