She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
