next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
