She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
