Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
