she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
